Rules for house cleaning

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my life.  I spend far too much time cleaning the house and not enough time daydreaming and writing.  To alleviate this dire situation I’ve developed a new set of guidelines for keeping the house cleaner and lessening the time I must spend doing this dreaded chore.

1. No shoes in the house. Leave the dirt, leaves and pollen outside.

2. Don’t let the children eat crumb producing foods like crackers inside the house.

3. Dont let my husband eat crumb producing foods inside the house.

Is this my future?

4. Prevent litter box tracking.  Train the cats to use the toilet (and flush). I anticipate this will take about eight years.

5. Insist everyone, cats included, wear dust mop socks when inside.  This should keep the floors cleaner, but may result in increased laundry.

6. Remove all toys with small pieces from the home to reduce the likelihood of stepping on a wayward Lego or worse, sucking a child’s “most important piece ever” into the vaccuum.

7. Ban all craft projects involving glitter.

8. Throw out everything prone to shedding.  Oops – cross that out. I refuse to cut my hair even though I am the most shed-prone.

8. Invent “Hover Slippers” so no-one has to walk on the grimy floor.  Sit down at computer and write the next novel.

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13 thoughts on “Rules for house cleaning

  1. Another path might be to declare your house a protected reserve for dust bunnies.
    rules are – dont feed them (covers rules 1 thru 4 , and 7) and
    when they overpopulate, thin them out (covers rules 5, 6 and 8)

  2. Since my grocery job is working as a merchandiser for a greeting card company, glitter follows me home. I had no idea it was so prevalent in cards, but it clings to everything I wear–until I walk in the door of my house. Then, it falls like snow, usually on my freshly waxed floor. Fun post.

  3. I saw some hover slippers at T.J. Maxx a year or so ago, and dagnabbit, I didn’t pick them up. Sure wish I had. Love your suggestions, Lola. I shared them on Facebook and Twitter. Take care, Susan

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