I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my life. I spend far too much time cleaning the house and not enough time daydreaming and writing. To alleviate this dire situation I’ve developed a new set of guidelines for keeping the house cleaner and lessening the time I must spend doing this dreaded chore.
1. No shoes in the house. Leave the dirt, leaves and pollen outside.
2. Don’t let the children eat crumb producing foods like crackers inside the house.
3. Dont let my husband eat crumb producing foods inside the house.
4. Prevent litter box tracking. Train the cats to use the toilet (and flush). I anticipate this will take about eight years.
5. Insist everyone, cats included, wear dust mop socks when inside. This should keep the floors cleaner, but may result in increased laundry.
6. Remove all toys with small pieces from the home to reduce the likelihood of stepping on a wayward Lego or worse, sucking a child’s “most important piece ever” into the vaccuum.
7. Ban all craft projects involving glitter.
8. Throw out everything prone to shedding. Oops – cross that out. I refuse to cut my hair even though I am the most shed-prone.
8. Invent “Hover Slippers” so no-one has to walk on the grimy floor. Sit down at computer and write the next novel.