Over 15″ of snow fell on my driveway this weekend, and I’m not counting the drifts. This would have been welcome and fun in December, but in April, not so much. We barely had snow in December, the month when we sing songs celebrating the joy of snow. Something is wrong.
I blame our collective attachment to the Georgian calendar, the one predominately used today. The Georgian calendar has been kicking around since the 1580s. Prior to that, the Roman Calendar provided dating in Western Civilizations. That problematic calendar had only 10 months and was about 60 days too short for Earth’s journey around the Sun. Adapting a new calendar is not out of the realm of historical possibility.
Change is tough and I suspect song writing is too. But something is not matching up. Those lazy hazy days of Summer are not likely to roll around until September. We need a new system with different names. Now, I’m not a scientific expert, and I really like the handy way of remembering how many days are in each month by counting on the knuckles, so I’ll keep the dates the same, but the months get new names. Any holidays deeply tied to a specific month will move to appropriate “new” month. Also – this is a bit North-hemisphere -entric. My brain is too cold to fully think through all the consequences, that’s because my foolish brain still associates April with Spring.
February becomes “Newano.” By starting the calendar on the old Feb first, we will better align with the traditional Chinese New Year.
March becomes “Midwinter.” I would suggest moving Groundhog’s day to Midwinter, but some of us are ready to choke the little rodent so maybe not.
April becomes “Stillwinter.” St. Patrick’s day brightens up the snow with a bit of much longed for greenery.
May becomes “Frostend.” You can begin to put out garden plants, but chances are high your crocus will end up covered in snow.
June becomes “Junette.” It’s a light name befitting long hours of sunshine and springlike warmth against your skin.
July stays July.
August becomes “Highsummer.” The temperatures soar during this peak summer month.
September becomes “Lingersommer.” The long summer has become stale. Parents are counting the days until back to school.
October becomes “Threeano.” The month has been misnamed so long, why break with tradition. School starts.
November becomes “Plantend.” Harvest the last of your tomatoes before Halloween night.
December becomes “Monthopause.” The calendar year is transitioning. The linguistic gymnastics burn an extra calorie or two so you don’t need to feel guilty about that extra slice of pie on Thanksgiving.
January becomes “December.” Just because I’m reinventing the calendar, I don’t have to throw away all our mental associations with December. Let’s keep the last month the same, except with more snow and a more realistic expectation of how long we have to wait until spring.